Friday, 22 February 2008

Sticky Science

Something commenter 'Snafu' said sparked a thought.

Until recently, much of Mrs Grendel's scrapping was done in the family room - on the big farmhouse table or the bench in the kitchen. It was always collecting lumps of glue and flecks of paint and the scrapping gear seemed to cover every horizontal surface.

This was because scrapbooking requires vast tracts of real estate within the house, much more so than other hobbies. I am permitted a small area of bench within the house for my coffee things, and even then it is shared with the toaster and electric kettle.

The scrapbooking studio recently acquired a large bench in the middle of the room, but even this cannot seem to contain all the items required for a single layout.

I did some quick calculations and determined that in the case of Mrs Grendel, scrapbooking has demonstrated that Einstein was wrong in some of his assumptions about the Universe and it appears that I have found some proof to support Dr Stephen Hawking's position.

You see, the area required for scrapbooking should bear some relationship to the mass of scrapbooking materials within the immediate area.

It doesn't - in fact the imbalance between volume and mass is astoundingly vast.

In fact I have found that the volume of realspace within a given area in relation to the mass of scrapbooking objects seems to decrease as mass increases. This is somewhat not what would be expected if the normal laws of physics were to be applied.

The only explanation for this is that much (if not most) of the materials used for layouts must exist outside of the space-time dimension with which we are most familiar. As the mass of scrapping materials in a region of realspace increases to a point of criticality, the usual laws of physics are suspended and the materials slip into another reality. In other words, we now have proof of the existence of a Scrapbooking substrata of reality.

This of course will be of no real surpise to scrapbook widowers the world over who must have long suspected that something was not quite right about scrapbooking.

The implications of the existance of a space/time substrata are truly incredible - One might never actually know how much cardstock one has on hand, or where that pair of scissors really went (See! I didn’t take them after all, they've just drifted off in hyperspace!).

The danger for the scrapbook widower should be obvious - once our scrappers figure this out they'll realise that we have no real way of figuring out what they have purchased because we can't peer into the extra dimensional storage area to do a stock take.

Unfortunately neither can our scrappers, so they just keep shopping, which exacerbates the problem because as the mass of scrapping matter increases, the extra dimensional storage space increases exponentially.

There is a risk that the very fabric of the universe could be irreparably damaged.

Scrapping must stop!

I fear for the universe.


Alli said...

you are very funny, and you will be happy to know that the lens cover for the camera returned from the space time scism thingy whatsit so you can stop looking!

Sunday said...

Well, my scrap space (otherwise known as mummy's room!) is a portal into the space time continuium... where a table's surface area (unlike that of the StarShip Enterprise)does not hold 20 times more stuff than it's outward appearance infers.
Alas the pure PSI experienced by items of stash at the bottom of a pile on such a table, I believe, does cause it to revert back to pure energy, thus, making it easy to slip into the time/space substrata you describe!
To save the universe... all you widowers need to do is give us scrapbookers more space (and anything else we desire of course!) You see, not only would you get a little more "coffee" space, you'd be saving the universe as well!

Belanna said...

Wow! Thank you! Finally I think I understand what's been happening...everytime I sit down to scrap for say 30 minutes, six or seven hours seem to simply disappear. But if what you say is true (and it certainly has the ring of truth) then the increasing mass of materials in the sub-space strata must be exerting a gravitational force akin to a black hole and simply sucking time into a vacuum...what a relief to know it's not just me losing my mind lol!