Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Happy Anniversary Mrs Grendel - an Equation

Warning: Sloppy sentimental post follows, please ensure that your seat backs are upright, trays closed and footrests up and that you have secured all personal belongings. . .

Ah Mrs Grendel, who would have imagined all those years ago that not only would I have dragged you all the way back to WA, but that we'd also have two boys, that you'd be a scrapbooking master (master/mistress, I can never figure this scrapping terminology out!) and that I'd have an A-grade obsession with coffee.

Now I've figured out how we got the children - and scrapbooking seems to be an inevitable consequence of kids, but where did the coffee come from. Certainly no one at the wedding said anything about the coffee and no one gave us any coffee related gifts that I can recall. Chocolate was always your preference for a, errr 'play food' (hmmm so chocolate leads to children eh?) and coffee seemed something we went out for on a daily basis while living in Subi.

Ahhhhh, Subi = cafes, children = suburbs and suburbs = no cafes. No cafes = no good coffee which results in the desire to find good coffee. When no good coffee can be found then the only thing left to do is roast your own, and ignoring the first 6-months or scorched beans and smoked out house otherwise seems to have worked out.

Which must mean that if we'd never played around with the chocolate sauce I wouldn't have discovered coffee, however the I think I tend to overate the influence of chocolate sauces on your natural sauciness so I will discount that element and present the final equation in its simplest form.

Given that our marriage and subsequent children (oh dear how conventional of us!) predated and investigative forays into paper and coffee based fascinations, it follows that the procreative act is an essential and immediate precursor to these eventualities.


Sex = Coffee

I love you Mrs Grendel – Happy Anniversary!

Wednesday, 15 October 2008


Mrs Grendel and I have our 8th wedding anniversary coming up shortly and I have been wondering what to buy her as a wedding present. I visited one of those websites that tells you what presents you are supposed to buy and for which anniversary.

Unfortunately the 8th anniversary seems a bit of an odd one.

In the ‘Traditional’ side of thing we have two items – the first is Bronze.

Oh goody – I can see the result now as I say “Congratulations my love, I thought you might like this to hang in the hallways” while handing her a half-tonne Chieftain’s Shield that I just happened to spot at Archeolomart. . .

The second traditional item is Rubber – A rubber gift would go down well.


Our experiences with rubber have not been as enjoyable as we thought they were going to be.

Now you can drag your mind out of the gutter because I am talking about our new Ikea Bed with the Latex (yes, latex is rubber) mattress. It was a wildly unsuccessful bed, but a moderately successful instrument of torture and Mrs G had to drag the whole sorry, unflatpacked load back to Ikea for a refund.

On the ‘Contemporary’ side of the gift suggestions was ‘Lace’ and unless Mrs G gets a sudden yearning for additional doilies I don’t see much future there either.

And by the way, what kind of ‘contemporary’ gift is lace? I know the information was on a website and is therefore at least potentially out of date, but lace sounds like something that Ida Buttrose would recommend as ‘modern’!

Still at a loss to find something appropriate though. . .

Saturday, 11 October 2008

The Scrapped Capitol Interviews - Palin

As an internationally reknowned scrapbook blogger who has at least one regular reader (thanks Mrs G!) I found it relatively easy to acquire the appropriate press credentials to gain access to the campaign staff of the Republican and Democrat parties.

This has allowed my to compile interviews with both of the Presidential candidates and both of the Vice-Presidential candidates. 

They were each asked the same scrapbooking related questions, and the reuslts were somewhat unexpected.

I decided to start with the VP candidates and Gov. Sarah Palin drew the short straw.

(Unfortunately due to problems with YouTube I can only present transcripts of the interviews.)

Grendel: Governor Palin, thank you for coming I understand you’ve had a hectic week with lots of travel.

Gov. Palin: Why thank you for the invitation – I understand you’ve come all the way from Austria to interview me.

Grendel: Australia actually.

Gov. Palin: Oh yes of course – ya know, we can see Australia from Alaska on a clear day.

Grendel: Erm, really? I thought what with the curvature of the Earth and all. . .

Gov. Palin: Oh, no. On a clear day in Alaska we can see anywhere, that’s why moose huntin’ is so easy there.

Grendel: Sure, sure. Governor I’d like to ask you a few questions – I’ll be asking each of the candidates the same question and it is to help our readers understand you position on important issues like scrapbooking.

Gov. Palin: Well, Grendel, I’ll sure talk to you about scrapbooking but the answers may not be exactly answers to your questions they might be answers to ones I thought of that are better than yours.

Grendel: [under his breath] Oh this should be fun.

Gov. Palin: [obviously has sharp ears] Oh yes it will be!

Grendel: Do you scrapbook?

Gov. Palin: Oh sure, I have a huntin’ book, a fishin’ book and I have a Todd book as well as books for Bristol, Piper, Track, Willow, and Trig. The Trig book is kinda small right now.

Grendel: That’s impressive! You must spend a lot of time scrapbooking.

Gov. Palin: Oh Sure, Senator McCain and I love to talk about lots of things that Joe Sixpack and the American people also love and why John McCain and I just the other day were looking at his scrapbooks and mine and talking about how together we can help this country turn the corner and scrapbook our way to a brighter future. And ya know That One doesn’t scrap, uh-uh, but I know there is pictures of him in some scrapbooks of people he’s been pallin’ around with like that domestic terrorist.

Grendel: Do you have any of your scrapbooks with you?

Gov. Palin: I always travel with my most precious scrapbook – and here it is.

Grendel: Wow, that’s a lot of photos of dead moose – is this your huntin’, er, I mean ‘Hunting’ scrapbook?

Gov. Palin: [laughs] Oh no Grendel, this is my ‘Todd’ scrapbook.

Grendel: There are a lot of photos of you and dead moose, but I can’t see any of Todd?

Gov. Palin: Well of course not – who do you think is taking the photos?

Grendel: Glad we cleared that up. Do you prefer any particular brand of paper or embellishments?

Gov. Palin: Oh I love ‘em all, but ya know I really love using the little things that people are always giving me when I travel around this great country of ours.

Grendel: Really? What kind of things?

Gov. Palin: Here [opens another scrapbook]

Grendel: Ah. They’re, urm, interesting. Where did you get given those?

Gov. Palin: Well whenever we stay in a hotel we find that people have left these little things for us to remember the visit.

Grendel: Suger sachets?

Gov. Palin: Yeah, ain’t it sweet.

Grendel: [groans quietly] Governor Palin, you’ve said you are a maverick. The origin of the term is actually from a Texan named Maverick who had quite liberal views – his descendants (also named Maverick) are quiet appalled at your use of the term.

Gov. Palin: Well I did not know that. Still they don’t own the term and being the maverick that I am I’ll keep using it and well, you know how much I hate socialists and liberals, so I just think I’ll keep on being my kinda maverick and not they’re kinda maverick and John McCain he’s a maverick too so together we can be two mavericks who can out maverick the Mavericks. Joe Sixpack he respects that – he knows how good a coupl’a mavericks are gonna be once they get there into the White House. He even told me so.

Grendel: Who told you?

Gov. Palin: Why Joe Sixpack of course.

Grendel: Really? I always thought that was just a euphemism for ‘ordinary’ American.

Gov. Palin: Oh no – he’s real, I went to High School with him in Wasilla.

Grendel: So, getting back to ‘ordinary’. You seem to be making a great appeal as an ordinary American and suggesting that that is what the country needs right now. Do you have anything special that you will bring to the Vice Presidency?

Gov. Palin: No, ordinary is what the country needs right now and with me and John McCain that is what it will get. We don’t want any elitist or exceptional people or intellectuals anywhere near the Whitehouse. And as for special – I’ll be bringing Todd – he’s kinda special, just look at how hard he worked for me when I was governor – he made phone calls to everyone trying to help out and he wasn’t even paid.

Grendel: Yes, about that. Hasn’t a committee just found that it was wrong of you to allow him to do that?

Gov. Palin: I’m sorry, but I have a moose to kill,

Grendel: Governor Palin, thank you for your time.


Morti made a a comment on my last post a few hours back that made me feel guilty - I haven't posted here for nearly six months. I could blame it on being busy, but then even at my busiest I have managed a post each day over at Cafe Grendel. I think what has really happened is that rather than the wild ride that being married to a scrapbooker was a year ago, things have now settled into a balance.

The epic battle for the scrapping space has been won (or lost depending on your perspective)  and while I have not managed to achieve anything bar a home-theatre-government-in-exile I actually have managed to integrate elements of home theatre materiel into the lounge room thanks to a very generous donation by a good friend of some ageing Bose 501 speakers. I also managed to add to this a 30yr old Sony amplifier with the power to make those baby's boom. The "Imperial March" from Star Wars and the deep rolling tones of James Earl Jones now make it seem as if the Dark Lord of the Sith is about to demonstrate his mastery of the force right there in the room.

I have visions of him stepping through the television and looking around in horror:

"Don't be too proud of this Scrapbooking terror you have created. The ability to stick photos to paper with mere glue is insignificant next to the Power of the Dark Side"

He would then proceed to demonstrate the full mysteries of the Sith Style of scrapbooking. 

I wonder if Sith Lords use Creative Memories products? 

One school of thought suggests that these are almost certainly products of the Dark Side in any case, so they would be a natural choice. They also use expansive areas of white paper which would give you a lovely contrast with photographs of either the emperor or yourself (as Sith Lord) in your gleaming black mask.

I just don't see too much variety through the pages though - photos of the Dark Lord walking down the ramp of a shuttle - plenty of those of course. Photos of various planet being annihilated - spectacularly morbid, and even more so would be the photos of Uncle Owen and Aunt Veru and that little visit from the StormTroopers.

I'm sure there would have to be a "Starship Captains I have killed" page, but one agony-creased red mottled face would have to look the same as another after a while.

Worse yet, he doesn't even have copies of the ultra-sounds of Luke and Leia to memorialise.

There would be some advantages. I imagine using The Force to place photos might be considered overkill but imagine the precision!

Still - not exactly a lot of Happy Memories to be found on the bridge of a Star Destroyer and he doesn't exactly seem to spend much time dining with his officers and proposing loyal toasts to the Emperor around a heavily laden 'Captain's Table'.

I guess on reflection no real Dark Lord of the Sith would be into Scrapbooking.

Now a Blog on the other hand. . .