Saturday, 11 October 2008

The Scrapped Capitol Interviews - Palin

As an internationally reknowned scrapbook blogger who has at least one regular reader (thanks Mrs G!) I found it relatively easy to acquire the appropriate press credentials to gain access to the campaign staff of the Republican and Democrat parties.

This has allowed my to compile interviews with both of the Presidential candidates and both of the Vice-Presidential candidates. 

They were each asked the same scrapbooking related questions, and the reuslts were somewhat unexpected.

I decided to start with the VP candidates and Gov. Sarah Palin drew the short straw.

(Unfortunately due to problems with YouTube I can only present transcripts of the interviews.)

Grendel: Governor Palin, thank you for coming I understand you’ve had a hectic week with lots of travel.

Gov. Palin: Why thank you for the invitation – I understand you’ve come all the way from Austria to interview me.

Grendel: Australia actually.

Gov. Palin: Oh yes of course – ya know, we can see Australia from Alaska on a clear day.

Grendel: Erm, really? I thought what with the curvature of the Earth and all. . .

Gov. Palin: Oh, no. On a clear day in Alaska we can see anywhere, that’s why moose huntin’ is so easy there.

Grendel: Sure, sure. Governor I’d like to ask you a few questions – I’ll be asking each of the candidates the same question and it is to help our readers understand you position on important issues like scrapbooking.

Gov. Palin: Well, Grendel, I’ll sure talk to you about scrapbooking but the answers may not be exactly answers to your questions they might be answers to ones I thought of that are better than yours.

Grendel: [under his breath] Oh this should be fun.

Gov. Palin: [obviously has sharp ears] Oh yes it will be!

Grendel: Do you scrapbook?

Gov. Palin: Oh sure, I have a huntin’ book, a fishin’ book and I have a Todd book as well as books for Bristol, Piper, Track, Willow, and Trig. The Trig book is kinda small right now.

Grendel: That’s impressive! You must spend a lot of time scrapbooking.

Gov. Palin: Oh Sure, Senator McCain and I love to talk about lots of things that Joe Sixpack and the American people also love and why John McCain and I just the other day were looking at his scrapbooks and mine and talking about how together we can help this country turn the corner and scrapbook our way to a brighter future. And ya know That One doesn’t scrap, uh-uh, but I know there is pictures of him in some scrapbooks of people he’s been pallin’ around with like that domestic terrorist.

Grendel: Do you have any of your scrapbooks with you?

Gov. Palin: I always travel with my most precious scrapbook – and here it is.

Grendel: Wow, that’s a lot of photos of dead moose – is this your huntin’, er, I mean ‘Hunting’ scrapbook?

Gov. Palin: [laughs] Oh no Grendel, this is my ‘Todd’ scrapbook.

Grendel: There are a lot of photos of you and dead moose, but I can’t see any of Todd?

Gov. Palin: Well of course not – who do you think is taking the photos?

Grendel: Glad we cleared that up. Do you prefer any particular brand of paper or embellishments?

Gov. Palin: Oh I love ‘em all, but ya know I really love using the little things that people are always giving me when I travel around this great country of ours.

Grendel: Really? What kind of things?

Gov. Palin: Here [opens another scrapbook]

Grendel: Ah. They’re, urm, interesting. Where did you get given those?

Gov. Palin: Well whenever we stay in a hotel we find that people have left these little things for us to remember the visit.

Grendel: Suger sachets?

Gov. Palin: Yeah, ain’t it sweet.

Grendel: [groans quietly] Governor Palin, you’ve said you are a maverick. The origin of the term is actually from a Texan named Maverick who had quite liberal views – his descendants (also named Maverick) are quiet appalled at your use of the term.

Gov. Palin: Well I did not know that. Still they don’t own the term and being the maverick that I am I’ll keep using it and well, you know how much I hate socialists and liberals, so I just think I’ll keep on being my kinda maverick and not they’re kinda maverick and John McCain he’s a maverick too so together we can be two mavericks who can out maverick the Mavericks. Joe Sixpack he respects that – he knows how good a coupl’a mavericks are gonna be once they get there into the White House. He even told me so.

Grendel: Who told you?

Gov. Palin: Why Joe Sixpack of course.

Grendel: Really? I always thought that was just a euphemism for ‘ordinary’ American.

Gov. Palin: Oh no – he’s real, I went to High School with him in Wasilla.

Grendel: So, getting back to ‘ordinary’. You seem to be making a great appeal as an ordinary American and suggesting that that is what the country needs right now. Do you have anything special that you will bring to the Vice Presidency?

Gov. Palin: No, ordinary is what the country needs right now and with me and John McCain that is what it will get. We don’t want any elitist or exceptional people or intellectuals anywhere near the Whitehouse. And as for special – I’ll be bringing Todd – he’s kinda special, just look at how hard he worked for me when I was governor – he made phone calls to everyone trying to help out and he wasn’t even paid.

Grendel: Yes, about that. Hasn’t a committee just found that it was wrong of you to allow him to do that?

Gov. Palin: I’m sorry, but I have a moose to kill,

Grendel: Governor Palin, thank you for your time.


Colleen said...

OK, this totally made me laugh out loud!!!

Neasa said...

Ha ha ha! Computer has been busted for a while so I've missed you. Oh, this made me laugh!